Interpreting salutations in the post-pandemic times: insights from the learned
World Organization for Greetings and Handshakes Proposes New Global Protocols
A covert commission, dubbed the World Organization for Greetings and Handshakes (OMSSM), has been established by the United Nations. The organization, tasked with predicting and potentially defining future human interactions, boasts a distinguished roster of international members, including a renowned American anthropologist, a Bulgarian sociologist, a Chilean hygienist, a New Zealand Maori psychologist, two virologists hailing from Denmark and Oman, a Russian proxemics scholar, a Chinese dancer, a Tibetan Buddhist monk, an Indian physiotherapist, two actresses from Germany and Argentina, a Japanese Kabuki actor, and a Lithuanian playwright.
During the commission's inaugural meeting, the agenda focused on the establishment of a global hygiene standard for greetings, an initiative designed to minimize the risk of future epidemics. Due to international travel restrictions, this conference took place on the virtual platform Zoom.
In his report, the Chilean hygienist outlined the potential for infectious agent transmission through various cultural meeting methods. Highlighting practices such as nose rubbing among Maori and Omanis, Inuit's kunik (nose-to-cheek and lip-to-cheek contact), Simultaneous cheek-to-cheek contacts and inhalation common in Tuvalu, Russian and Western mouth kisses, Tibetan tongue-showing, Japanese bows, American hugs, and Filipino hand-to-forehead gestures, he emphasized the need for a new approach to greetings.
The Chilean hygienist then delved into the questionable practices associated with handshakes, presenting histograms and videos to demonstrate the alarming transfer of infectious particles via fingers, as they often come into contact with noses, throats, and ears, or have been exposed to coughs and sneezes, or scratched dirty crevices and dark cavities.
As the debate unfolded, the Lithuanian playwright expressed his dismay at the transformation of greetings into a transmission vector for disease, stating in Lithuanian, "The term 'greeting' derives from 'health', and it's disheartening that humanity has perverted this once-pure gesture." The Bulgarian sociologist, in turn, offered a potential solution, demonstrating a waving motion with her hand, asserting, "The healthy greeting already exists; it is this! And it does not involve contact."
Though the specifics remain to be determined, it is apparent that societies across the world are poised for a shift in their physical interactions, with an emphasis on maintaining health, respecting cultural norms, prioritizing consent and comfort, and adapting to the diverse greeting styles that encompass our increasingly interconnected world.
- In the discussion of new global protocols for greetings, the Lithuanian playwright contemplated the origins of greetings, stating, "The term 'greeting' derives from 'health'."
- As the commission considered potential solutions to minimize the risk of disease transmission, the Bulgarian sociologist proposed a non-contact greeting, demonstrating, "The healthy greeting already exists; it is this!"
- With a focus on health-and-wellness and mental-health, the World Organization for Greetings and Handshakes is also exploring the role of social-media and entertainment in shaping future greeting practices, aiming for a lifestyle that is both safe and culturally sensitive.
