Navigating Conversations About ADHD Without Implying Excuses
In conversations about ADHD, it's essential to approach the topic with clarity, empathy, and a commitment to open dialogue. Some people may respond with skepticism, minimization, or impatience, often due to a lingering stigma or ignorance about the condition. However, using ADHD as a blanket excuse to ignore others' feelings or to stop trying is not fair.
Dr. Cesar Ochoa-Lubinoff, a neuropsychologist, explains that ADHD is "hardwired" and often runs in families. It's a genuine neurodevelopmental condition with well-documented brain-based causes, contrary to the misconception that it isn't real or that everyone gets distracted, so what's the big deal?
To explain ADHD to others without sounding defensive or making excuses, use clear, non-apologetic language that calmly shares how ADHD affects you without trying to justify or blame. For example, say, "This is something I’m working on and learning to manage," which frames ADHD as a context rather than an excuse. Emphasize that you are providing background information, not avoiding responsibility, by stating something like, "It’s not an excuse—just context for some challenges I face."
Acknowledging the impact on others with empathy is also crucial. For instance, "I understand my forgetfulness can be frustrating, and I’m working to improve it." This approach conveys accountability and self-awareness without self-shaming or defensiveness.
When discussing ADHD with others, it's important to avoid yelling or arguing. Staying calm and clear during these interactions is crucial. Acknowledging your ADHD and owning your actions is essential for maintaining respect and consideration towards others.
Toxic self-blame should be avoided as well. Psychologist J. Russell Ramsay, Ph.D., notes that adults with ADHD typically put in twice the effort for half the result when trying to meet their responsibilities. This is not a sign of laziness but rather a reflection of the unique challenges posed by ADHD.
Acknowledging others' perspectives and encouraging their input can foster cooperative dialogue. Proposing solutions together demonstrates proactivity and care for the relationship. Society still carries misconceptions, but by speaking honestly and matter-of-factly about your experiences, you can help others understand the reality of ADHD while maintaining a confident, responsible tone.
Remember, it's okay to set boundaries if someone continues to dismiss your explanations. It's also okay to set boundaries about your needs when discussing ADHD. Mentioning ADHD to someone can feel daunting due to fear of being misunderstood or perceived as making excuses, but by using short, factual clarifications and clear, non-apologetic language, you can help reframe assumptions and foster understanding.
[1] https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-communication-strategies/ [2] https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-relationships-communication-tips/
- Dr. Cesar Ochoa-Lubinoff asserts that ADHD is a genuine neurodevelopmental condition with brain-based causes, challenging the misconception that it isn't real.
- In conversations about ADHD, it's important to use clear, non-apologetic language that calmly shares how ADHD affects you without making excuses.
- To avoid being perceived as making excuses, frame ADHD as context rather than an excuse, such as stating, "This is something I’m working on and learning to manage."
- When discussing ADHD with others, it's crucial to convey accountability and self-awareness without self-shaming or defensiveness, and acknowledge the impact on others with empathy.
- Acknowledging your ADHD and owning your actions is essential for maintaining respect and consideration towards others, and staying calm and clear during interactions is crucial.
- Adults with ADHD typically put in twice the effort for half the result when trying to meet their responsibilities, according to psychologist J. Russell Ramsay, Ph.D., which is not a sign of laziness but rather a reflection of the unique challenges posed by the condition.
- Setting boundaries is important if someone continues to dismiss your explanations or misunderstand ADHD, and it's also okay to set boundaries about your needs when discussing the condition.
