Navigating Strife: Coping Strategies when Disagreements Arise and Handling Them Effectively
In the face of emotional turmoil, shutting down can be a common self-coping mechanism. However, this response can escalate conflicts or lead to feelings of anxiety and sadness in the long run. To effectively manage emotional shutdowns, especially for those with mental health issues, key strategies include creating a safe emotional environment, recognising and understanding shutdown triggers, practising mindfulness, using intentional breaks, and maintaining clear, compassionate communication.
First, it's crucial to create an emotionally safe space. Whether in therapy or personal relationships, fostering an environment where individuals feel free to express emotions without fear of judgment helps reduce shutdowns. Emotional safety encourages vulnerability and connection rather than withdrawal.
Second, understanding the shutdown response is vital. Emotional shutdown often stems from fear of conflict, overwhelming emotions, or past invalidation and trauma. Recognising that shutdown is a protective mechanism—not stubbornness—can help approach the person with empathy and patience.
Third, practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques can help manage overwhelm and keep individuals present during conflict. Mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing, meditation, or engaging in calming activities (walking, music) help reduce emotional flooding that often leads to shutdown.
Fourth, taking planned and communicated breaks during heated conversations can help interrupt emotional flooding and regain composure. Breaks should be purposeful and ensure re-engagement with calmness.
Fifth, communicating openly with "I" statements and active listening can prevent escalating shutdown. Using non-blaming language and checking in with emotions can signal the need for a break or shifting to gentler communication, supporting healthier dialogue.
Sixth, setting clear boundaries is important when shutdown becomes persistent or toxic. In such cases, it's important to set limits on unacceptable behaviours, and potentially seek professional help.
Lastly, engaging in self-care practices and professional support can benefit individuals who shutdown emotionally during conflict. Self-care can include writing, walking, yoga, or music, while professional support may involve counselling or therapy to process underlying issues and develop coping strategies.
These approaches are particularly important for individuals coping with mental health challenges, as shutdowns often reflect deep emotional overwhelm or trauma-related defenses rather than disinterest or defiance. This article was referenced from Yvette Erasmus's article "How to Respond to Silence and Shut Downs" (2024).
Johanna Cutajar, a Master in Counselling graduate from the University of Malta, works with children and adolescents as a counsellor within the education sector. She assists with various issues including relationship issues, trauma, bereavement, transitions, and general mental health. In some cultures, emotional display might be viewed as a sign of weakness, leading to suppression of feelings. However, understanding and addressing emotional shutdowns can lead to healthier, more productive communication and relationships.
[1] Erasmus, Y. (2024). How to Respond to Silence and Shut Downs. Psychology Today. [2] Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioural treatment of borderline personality disorder. New York: Guilford Press. [3] Johnson, S. M., & Greenberg, L. S. (1985). Emotional process in couples' therapy: The development of emotional understanding. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 11(1), 5-24. [4] Safran, J. D., & Muran, J. C. (2000). The therapeutic alliance in group psychotherapy. In J. D. Safran & J. C. Muran (Eds.), Group psychotherapy: A relational approach (pp. 29-50). New York: Guilford Press.
While recognizing emotional shutdowns as a self-protective mechanism, it's essential for individuals dealing with mental health issues to seek professional help from counselors like Johanna Cutajar. Mindfulness practices and therapy can be instrumental in managing emotional overwhelm. Additionally, the science of health-and-wellness supports self-care routines such as writing, walking, yoga, or music, which can complement therapy sessions for overall mental health improvement.
