Struggling to Break Away: Raised in Fear, Pursued a Different Path but Met with Disappointment
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For many years, fear was a constant companion in the life of a mother, whose name we'll keep confidential. Raised under the watchful eye of fear-based discipline, she carried those fears into her own parenting, unknowingly passing them on to her children.
Growing up, she attributed her fears to the fears her grandparents had instilled in her. These fears permeated her life, manifesting in recurring nightmares and a constant sense of anxiety. As an adult, she didn't realize she was suffering from anxiety until her 40s.
Her 20-year-old son, too, was struggling with his own fears. He expressed anxiety about various things, including driving, fire, water, and many other common fears. The mother recognised the similarities between their experiences and began to question her parenting methods.
She started therapy and recognised the value of medication in controlling her anxiety. She also understood the need to avoid repeating the same parenting mistakes she made with her older children. With her youngest children, ages 14 and 12, she aimed to instil confidence and foster emotional intelligence.
However, her efforts to keep her children sheltered and explain frightening things in a direct and empathetic way seemed to have the opposite effect. Her son recalled an instance at the beach where he felt embarrassed due to a lack of adult supervision. He felt the fear of the unknown and the absence of his mother's presence.
Recognising her mistakes, the mother apologised to her son for any shortcomings in her parenting. Her son, understanding and forgiving, acknowledged the changes he saw in his mother.
Parenting with fear, often characterised by overprotection, constant control, yelling, or punishment, negatively impacts child development. It increases anxiety, reduces self-esteem, impairs decision-making, and hinders resilience and emotional intelligence. Children raised under fear-based or overprotective parenting tend to grow up believing the world is dangerous, leading to heightened anxiety and stress.
To break this cycle, the mother began implementing strategies aimed at promoting emotional intelligence and supportive parenting. She reduced overprotection, allowing her children to face age-appropriate challenges, promoting autonomy and self-confidence. She shifted from fear and control to connection, emphasising emotional safety and understanding.
She avoided yelling, constant punishment, and shaming to protect healthy brain development related to stress management. She encouraged her children's decision-making skills to develop critical thinking. She fostered emotional intelligence through steady support, helping her children learn to name and manage emotions.
By adopting these emotionally intelligent, supportive parenting techniques, the mother hoped to replace fear-based control with empowerment and compassion. Research supports this approach, showing that it can reverse the negative effects of fear-based parenting and promote resilience and well-being in children.
The mother's journey serves as a reminder that it is never too late to change and grow. By understanding the impact of her past and making a conscious effort to change, she is working towards creating a healthier, happier environment for her children.
- What if, we could harness the power of science to uncover effective strategies for mental health in parenting practices, aiming to improve the lifestyle and relationships within families?
- By fostering emotional intelligence and supportive parenting, as opposed to parenting with fear, we might promote better health-and-wellness outcomes for our children — reducing anxiety levels, building resilience, and encouraging positive relationships.
- As we naturally question our parenting methods and strive for growth, perhaps we should also explore the role of science in understanding and addressing issues like anxiety in both ourselves and our children, paving the way for a healthier, happier future for all.
